LIGHT FROM THE DARK MIND

Sometimes The Reason Why You Can’t Let Go Is Because You’ve Lost Sight Of Who You Are You can’t let them go because even though they are no longer in your life, you are keeping them alive in your mind. It’s been weeks, months, maybe even years, since things have changed. The text messages that used to put a smile on your face. The late-night phone calls you stayed up and waited for. The inside jokes that never got any less funny. The videos they tagged you in whenever something reminded them of you. The kisses that always left you wanting more. They all stopped coming through-gone for good. But, that hasn’t stopped you from re-reading every old conversation a hundred times. It hasn’t changed the fact that you still lie wide awake at 2 A.M with your phone on loud beside your pillow. It doesn’t explain why you still smile to yourself when you think of something they once said. It doesn’t delete all of the posts you share on Facebook or Instagram just so that they’ll see, in ho

How Is A Depressed Person Supposed To Behave? How is a depressed person supposed to act? Who is a depressed person? If you ask the movies, most of them might say a person with depression is an introverted, shy, bullied, suicidal underdog who could’ve been saved to neurotypical-ness if the person they loved just loved them back. If you ask the poems, most of them might say a person with depression is a narcissistic, eccentric, one-of-a-kind tortured artist longing for acceptance, for purpose, for something other than the empty every day.  But what if you’re depressed yet still able to tweet dumb, hilarious, self-deprecating jokes? What if you’re depressed yet still go about your daily routine? What if you’re depressed yet still attend parties? Although the stigma of mental health has decreased, the romanticization and stereotypes of mentally ill people – especially those with depression – seem to remain the same. Depression manifests itself in many forms. Rarely do we

I Wish I Could Say You Didn’t Break Me I loved you even when your dirty hands felt like sandpaper and when your promises thinned out into water vapor. I loved you even when I realized you made it a habit to test me and bend me to see how far I could go without breaking, and you kept on and on, even when I was past the point of tearing. I spent my time with you imploding and exploding, waiting on any reciprocity I could keep, until my palms were shredded with wounds from refusal to release the rope I tied around to hope that maybe you’d someday love me like I needed – like I deserved. But you never did. We had our good moments, but there were too many times you treated me like like losing me wouldn’t make a difference to you. And sure, you had your sweet moments, you showed me kindness, you did things for me, you took me on dates, took me on trips, showed me the affection I was starving for. But, how much could that ever have actually meant, if you were still emotionally s

My World Would Be So Different If I Didn’t Have Depression I often think about how to me morning and mourning are the same. What I mean to say is that the sun rises and somehow it hurts more than when I’m laying in the dark. What I really mean is that depression sometimes means waking up afraid of simply living – of just being. If I didn’t have depression I wouldn’t find solace in darkness. In that safe place where everything is equally familiar in heartbreak and in emptiness. In that space where it’s all blue, and all bruise, but all too comfortable. I wouldn’t stay up half the night because right now it’s better because right now is not tomorrow. Without depression, my world would consist a lot less of thinking in terms of exit signs. I wouldn’t do all the things I do just to escape myself, escape the aching, the even more petrifying nothingness. There wouldn’t be those moments where I have felt like my heart has left my body and taken everything with it, times where I’v

PRETTY LITTLE LIES There are the lies we tell ourselves when we believe somebody loves us and to only find out they  love parts of the you . There are the lies we tell to ourselves when we believe someone will change and you believe it is fear that gets in their way. There are the lies we believe when people play games from their ego and believe they do not cause pain, to maintain their goodness. There are the lies that we tell ourselves out of fear, of losing. There are the lies we tell ourselves, in that we believe that we are not wrong. The lies come from the pain, the hurt, the distrust, and the feelings of not being enough. The lies come from when were not heard, not accepted, from avoiding the hard things, from not listening, from anger, from fear, and ego. Those pretty little lies will break you and the people around you. ~GURNOOR

ALONE??? Spilling my ink on these ruled sheets, my painful tales I creatively repeat. You played with my heart like there was a game, but ironically my words still have your name. Your happiness was my sole concern ,when you gave me the hardest lesson to learn. I go alone on the same roads, on which your love to me you showed. Your absence has taught me to be strong , but your memories always ruin it all. The pain turns into never ending illusions but never attains a perfect conclusion .The drizzles all my pain conceals, all the scars that can never heal. You left me alone but your memories never really goes.On the hate I gather, my love still glows. I realize you have taken away some of its parts, as I carry this broken heart. You were such a beautiful distraction yet my one and only satisfaction. You touched my body yet not my soul, Leaving me broken to live alone, But there’s something that you have never known. I ain’t alone , because I am alone yet owned

I'LL HOLD YOUR HAND You're hearing but not listening     Speaking but not talking     Seeing but not watching     Smiling but not meaning I'll understand your reasons     Your billion emotions I'll hold your hand Look in your eye And pray, You feel all right.. Your mind has thoughts That can shift the world Or bury the love And cuss and swear All in your mind But you say, "I'm Fine" I know you are broken I feel your pain Like a devil's spear That just crushed your vein I'll hold your hand Look in your eye And pray, You feel all right.. You want to run and scream A thousand things you've replayed in your head A thousand things you wished you'd said A thousand times you were ignored And hurt instead But you kept quiet And penned it down Hoping that would help And I know you're writing And I know you're crying With closed eyes now Not yet believing I'll hold your hand Look in your eye And pray, You feel all right..           

IF I EVER HAVE A DAUGHTER If I ever have a daughter, I'll teach her how to write her name, to walk, to fall, to cry, I'll teach her how to get up again, I'll teach her how to survive... If I ever have a daughter, I'll teach her how to ride a bicycle, to punch, to kick, to smile, I'll teach her how to win hearts I'll teach her how to gracefully say goodbye... If I  ever have a daughter, I'll teach her how to fall in love with herself, to talk like a leader, to think like a warrior, to be humble and kind, I'll teach her how to hold her head high... But most importantly, I'll teach her  not to fall in love with haunted hearts, absent eyes, and broken promises... I'll teach her how to walk away when the first time she is compared to another girl, I'll teach her how to forget , to never regret, to never lose her sleep to a skin-craved boy... She'll be a storm, She'll be a queen, She'll be that every victory medal I couldn'

TO EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN TOLD THAT THEY NEED TO "CHILL" BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO EMOTIONAL I'm sure it's nice to be chill.I'm sure it's so much easier to live in this day and age when you are not as emotional or hot-headed as others.I'm sure it prevents a lot of heartbreak and pain when you don't care about what people do to you and when you don't fall too deeply.I'm sure it's refreshing to know that you'll never be torn because of another human being since you always have the upper hand. Its better to be you,I admit that.You just know how to move on,how to get over things,how to detach, how to hurt someone you love or maybe you love, how to be selfish, how to have changed feelings for someone, how to have second thoughts over someone, how to tell someone that you are over whatever the bond you two shared and how to let go. But you have to understand that some people are simply not born this way. Some  p eople can't hel