LIGHT FROM THE DARK MIND

Sometimes The Reason Why You Can’t Let Go Is Because You’ve Lost Sight Of Who You Are You can’t let them go because even though they are no longer in your life, you are keeping them alive in your mind. It’s been weeks, months, maybe even years, since things have changed. The text messages that used to put a smile on your face. The late-night phone calls you stayed up and waited for. The inside jokes that never got any less funny. The videos they tagged you in whenever something reminded them of you. The kisses that always left you wanting more. They all stopped coming through-gone for good. But, that hasn’t stopped you from re-reading every old conversation a hundred times. It hasn’t changed the fact that you still lie wide awake at 2 A.M with your phone on loud beside your pillow. It doesn’t explain why you still smile to yourself when you think of something they once said. It doesn’t delete all of the posts you share on Facebook or Instagram just so that they’ll see, in ho...

How Is A Depressed Person Supposed To Behave? How is a depressed person supposed to act? Who is a depressed person? If you ask the movies, most of them might say a person with depression is an introverted, shy, bullied, suicidal underdog who could’ve been saved to neurotypical-ness if the person they loved just loved them back. If you ask the poems, most of them might say a person with depression is a narcissistic, eccentric, one-of-a-kind tortured artist longing for acceptance, for purpose, for something other than the empty every day.  But what if you’re depressed yet still able to tweet dumb, hilarious, self-deprecating jokes? What if you’re depressed yet still go about your daily routine? What if you’re depressed yet still attend parties? Although the stigma of mental health has decreased, the romanticization and stereotypes of mentally ill people – especially those with depression – seem to remain the same. Depression manifests itself in many forms. Rarely d...

I Wish I Could Say You Didn’t Break Me I loved you even when your dirty hands felt like sandpaper and when your promises thinned out into water vapor. I loved you even when I realized you made it a habit to test me and bend me to see how far I could go without breaking, and you kept on and on, even when I was past the point of tearing. I spent my time with you imploding and exploding, waiting on any reciprocity I could keep, until my palms were shredded with wounds from refusal to release the rope I tied around to hope that maybe you’d someday love me like I needed – like I deserved. But you never did. We had our good moments, but there were too many times you treated me like like losing me wouldn’t make a difference to you. And sure, you had your sweet moments, you showed me kindness, you did things for me, you took me on dates, took me on trips, showed me the affection I was starving for. But, how much could that ever have actually meant, if you were still emotionally s...

My World Would Be So Different If I Didn’t Have Depression I often think about how to me morning and mourning are the same. What I mean to say is that the sun rises and somehow it hurts more than when I’m laying in the dark. What I really mean is that depression sometimes means waking up afraid of simply living – of just being. If I didn’t have depression I wouldn’t find solace in darkness. In that safe place where everything is equally familiar in heartbreak and in emptiness. In that space where it’s all blue, and all bruise, but all too comfortable. I wouldn’t stay up half the night because right now it’s better because right now is not tomorrow. Without depression, my world would consist a lot less of thinking in terms of exit signs. I wouldn’t do all the things I do just to escape myself, escape the aching, the even more petrifying nothingness. There wouldn’t be those moments where I have felt like my heart has left my body and taken everything with it, times where...

PRETTY LITTLE LIES There are the lies we tell ourselves when we believe somebody loves us and to only find out they  love parts of the you . There are the lies we tell to ourselves when we believe someone will change and you believe it is fear that gets in their way. There are the lies we believe when people play games from their ego and believe they do not cause pain, to maintain their goodness. There are the lies that we tell ourselves out of fear, of losing. There are the lies we tell ourselves, in that we believe that we are not wrong. The lies come from the pain, the hurt, the distrust, and the feelings of not being enough. The lies come from when were not heard, not accepted, from avoiding the hard things, from not listening, from anger, from fear, and ego. Those pretty little lies will break you and the people around you. ~GURNOOR