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On Days I Do Not Love Myself

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On Days I Do Not Love Myself On days I do not love myself, grief shows up at my front door like an uninvited guest.It touches the walls of my apartment, disrupts the silence that once existed in its confines and tries to break into it. It sits through lunch with me and offers to buy me coffee. It won’t seem to go away and for some reason; I find myself being unable to say no. Suddenly, waffles don’t taste as good as they did. Coffee tasted a lot more bitter than it did yesterday. On days I do not love myself, a wounded heart carries itself inside my home. Like a soldier who just arrived from the battlefield. It tells me that there are wounds inside each one of us no one knows about. Some days, great stories of valor are born from it. Other days, there is the lingering trauma of the war that dwindles. I learned something that day. Loneliness comes after, making its presence known in the cold, flameless fireplace. Its presence is so prominent I can feel it crawl under my skin.
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Don’t Be Afraid To Talk To Yourself Sometimes

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Don’t Be Afraid To Talk To Yourself Sometimes It’s ok to not feel ok. We’ve all been down this road when stresses of life– big or small– become too overwhelming and then leave us literally frozen in action. Helpless. It’s a weird feeling when you feel helpless, worse when you are completely not in control and feel the walls closing in on you. It’s a spiral down the rabbit hole and you have nothing to grab onto and you don’t see the end of the tunnel. I cannot speak for everyone’s experiences and distresses but I can say that this feeling is temporary. Just breathe. Personally, I have a few tricks that I do on my own to get over this overwhelming feeling. Even as someone who has a great network of friends and as someone who loves the social space, I still find it hard to open up to people. It truly takes a lot for me to really let the raw emotions and unfiltered thoughts out, even to my closest friends. I rationalize my implicit actions as not wanting to burden others wit
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Maybe for a moment I will be Directionless

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MAYBE FOR A MOMENT I WILL BE DIRECTIONLESS We’re so obsessed with knowing. Knowing who we are. Knowing where we’re going. Knowing how the future will play out, or who we will fall in love with. Knowing what we’re meant to do or where we’re supposed to end up. Knowing the person we should be, the person we are, the person we will become. We want to know everything. And so much of my life has been lived that way – searching, looking, wanting. I’ve been on a constant loop – a record on repeat – scratching the vinyl, droning on and on in seamless static. I keep thinking that if I try hard enough, if I push myself a little more, I’ll figure this whole thing out. I’ll understand what path I’m supposed to be walking on, what steps I’m supposed to take. I’ve always been one to plan, to lay out the map before me and plot out a route. When it comes to the unknown, I’ve struggled.  I want to know. I want to understand. I want to choose. But what I’ve realized is I don’t have any
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An Ode To Vulnerability

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An Ode To Vulnerability I get it. Vulnerability is a lot easier to preach than it is to practice. Deciding to bare your soul is one of the riskiest things you can do in a relationship. It opens you up to criticism. It leaves you with nothing to hide behind or to take cover underneath. But if you want to truly engage in a long-term relationship, you need to stop running. You need to stop hiding. Love is a trust fall, one that can be terrifying. Once you begin to fall, you lose control. You can't ever know whether the other person will ultimately keep you safe or let you hit the ground. It's the uncertainty that sends you reeling as far away from the idea of emotional transparency as you can possibly get. There's a lot at stake; namely, your own heart. It's easy to retreat, to want to hold onto some of your own power, to deny the fact that you've placed so much of your faith into someone else. But the act of trust, that suspension of disbelief, is what l
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Don’t Let The Fear Of Failure Stop You From Trying

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 Don’t Let The Fear Of Failure Stop You From Trying  Society puts so much emphasis on success that it prevents many of us from going after our dreams – from going after what makes us happy, what put shivers down our spines, and butterflies in our stomachs. The need to succeed is so fundamental in our minds that it’s terrifying for many of us to try at all. I don’t let the fear of failure stop me from trying anymore. I take risks. Some may call it crazy because I get hurt more than the average person, but I find it liberating. I don’t have to live with that dull, constant pain of not knowing. I don’t have to live with the what-ifs. I dedicate my free time to my wildest dreams, even when I know the chances of success are slim. I don’t hesitate to put myself out there, even when I know I’ll be made fun of because people are all too often expected to hide the intensity of their minds. And I fight for my relationships until there is not an ounce of hope left. I ri
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Be You, For You

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Be You, For You We all have this intrinsic and innate need to be accepted. We need to feel like we belong somewhere. I believe it’s an integral of our human nature because somewhere subconsciously we know that connectedness is the way humans thrive. Despite it being a literal part of our human make-up, I want you to deviate from it. I want you to learn when to listen to that innate sense and when not to. I believe that it can misguide us, lead us to believe that we can’t fit in or that we have to change in order to be a part of something. This is an ill thinking pattern that we have adapted to because we thought we had to because we didn’t know anything else. My personal experience with shedding this mindset resulted in losing friendships, throwing out half my closet, reading more fucking books, healing my family history, openly sharing my poetry, a lot of alone time, time away from my phone, ending a relationship, and extreme reflection. I know some of the
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This Is Why Passionate Girls Come Across As Clingy

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This Is Why Passion ate Girls Come Across As Clingy She texts first and initiates dates and blurts out how she feels. But that doesn’t mean she’s clingy. She’s not going to wilt without your love. She can survive on her own. She’s perfectly capable of lasting the weekend without a hot date and eating a dinner cooked for one. This girl isn’t desperate. She’s passionate. She would rather come on too strong than too weak. She would rather admit that she cares than pretend that she’s heartless. She isn’t interested in games. Sending mixed signals. Playing hard to get. Trying to trick someone into liking her by being a watered down version of herself. In her mind, it’s better to text back after two seconds than two hours. It’s better to make plans than act like she’s too busy to see you. It’s better to admit how much she likes you than to hint about her feelings for months. Why lie? Why pretend? Why not take a leap and speak from the heart? Why not be honest wi
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